The Spit Bucket

Ghet your study on!

Another boy from the hood was spotted in new turf—Group Magazine!  The arm pit issue. I about peed my pants when I saw that Group mentioned this resource in their quick picks. I hope it will get into the hands of those doing domestic mission trips. The Jerry Springer flavored

questions are sure to spark real dialog from kids who usually respond with shoulder shrugs.
I also hope for less snow, honest politicians, calorie free cheesecake, non-clumpy mascara and my life-long fantasy, to open a new monopoly game and find real money instead of the fake colored paper stuff!

What Juno Didn't Tell You

After 22 years of urban youth ministry, I've experienced over 168 months of pregnancy. That’s 21 pregnancies resulting in:
•    18 births
•    2 miscarriages
•    1 abortion
So if the stork delivers a surprise to your church door,   get a few tips on what to do and not. YouthMinistryExhange

Superbowl Sermons

Can you remember any of the commercials you spotted during the Superbowl?
OK—can you remember the sermon you heard at church the same Sunday morning?  Uh oh...You're not alone.
I vaguely remember my pastor talking a bit about transformation Sunday and how Peter thought he could fill God's shoes better than God did (sorta like how W.C. Fields lost a W.C. Fields look alike contest).

If you can remember what your pastor shared ---without the help of a burping baby, Clydesdales, or a  gazillion dollars of cool visual effects, post on!

Tis the Season for Teen Moms

I admit. I don’t have much of a social life. My big event is on Saturdays, my 5 am laundry club. (OK, so I’m a Type A). The group consists of Elaine, the World’s biggest Cub Fan, and Ray, a sixty-year-old gay who is the best sheet folder on the planet. While we usually talk about news affecting our building, the conversations  will ultimately end on “So what are you doing this weekend?” Elaine is either going to a game or to Michigan. Ray always goes to cool restaurants, museums and the latest movies. I nosh on free samples at Costco. But Ray’s the one who tipped me off to Juno. If you haven’t heard the buzz by now in your laundry mat, Juno is comedy about a 16 year old girl who gets pregnant.
At first the notion of the movie turned me off. How could Hollywood laugh at the epidemic
I devote so much of my life to?
That’s why cashed in the crispy $5 found in my April fresh jeans to see the movie.
90 minutes worth of pregnancy
While Hollywood’s 90 minute version of teen pregnancy is amusing over a tub of popcorn, the life-long version featuring Tamika, Erica, Joy, Melissa, Marie, isn’t much of a knee slapper. The movie covers a multitude of tuff topics: the reaction of Juno’s father, the reaction of her boyfriend; abortion, adoption; and finally the question, just what characteristics make up a good mom?
I do recommend seeing Juno and drag your pastor with you. While the language isn’t the best, but you’ve probably heard worse hauling kids home in your church van. There are no bumping and grinding scenes.  Juno doesn’t promote teen sex; it deals with the reality of it. That’s something the church needs to do.
As Christians, we can’t make the ruling teens make lousy parents.
Okay, maybe Brittney's kid sister isn't a role model, but I know of a teen mom named Mary with a little guy named Jesus.  She did a pretty good job. And we have to take the lead on this issue. If we tell young girls to choose life, we better be there to help them once they do.  More on teen moms in the news.

Unhappy holidays

Sexual abuse during the holidays

OK, we all have days in December when there seems to be more coal in our mental stockings than tidings of good joy. But dreading the holidays is a whole different level to victims of sexual abuse. Over the years, I’ve heard testimonies of several survivors of sexual abuse…survivors who count on Christ to overcome the trauma of their past. While details of their stories differ, one remained the same—many of these ladies were abused at holiday get-togethers. A visiting grandparent or uncle or cousin would take advantage of a young child, getting their personal jollies year after year.
And what’s a kid to do? Whether threatened verbally or with a knife, a small child is at the mercy of their assaulter. The child may not recognize sexual advances for what they are. She/he may look at the relative as an all-knowing authority figure, being afraid to question the adult’s actions.  And if it goes on a while, the child can fear telling her/his parents, feeling responsible for actions that were out of her/his hands.
1 in 4 girls is sexually abused before the age of 18.

While I am no Dr. Phil, I know the impact of sexual abuse cannot be under estimated. It robs a person of self esteem, leaving shame and pain in its place. One’s sexual image gets as distorted as their reflection in a funny mirror at the circus. And what should be the happiest time of the year will forever be associated with bad memories. All the time, friends can’t understand why they avoid the holiday mistletoe.

While there is no stocking stuffer that can remove the pain of sexual abuse, there are some things you can do:

• Help the victim create new holiday traditions. Instead of focusing on ghosts of Christmas past, do something new and memorable in your outreach program.
• Act out parities of your favorite holiday commercials, from the Chia Pet to the Clapper.
• Sing Christmas Carols in Pig Latin.
• Decorate a tree using only recycled items.
• Hang stockings in your youth center, stuffing each with words of encouragement.
• And finally, if going home is a painful holiday experience for someone you know, have an extra seat at your table.

You’ll also want to bookmark these Sexual Abuse/Assault websites:
RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) deals with rape and sexual assault. You’ll find useful info there, from statistics to a 24/7 hotline:  1.800.656.HOPE

Darkness2Light deals with sexual abuse and children. Be sure to read the 7 Steps to Protecting Our Children

If a youth confides in you regarding sexual abuse
It’s your obligation to report it. While laws vary state to state, start by contacting a child advocacy center near you. Visit the National Children's Alliance or call 1-800-239-9950.

Above all, keep the youth in your program in your prayer, especially during the holiday season.

Toe Tag Faith

Is your faith wearing a toe tag?

To announce the release of Another Boy from the Hood, TastyFaith created toe tags (Toe tags are what coroners place on the toe of the deceased, identifying who he or she is and the cause of death).  The toe tag reads:  “Get this Bible Study into his hands before this tag ends up on his toe.”
It was created to be a wake up call for the grim reality facing youth of color:

In 2005, homicide victimization rates for blacks were 6 times higher than the rates for whites. Source: Bureau of Justice Statistics

Blacks and Hispanics make up 62 percent of the incarcerated population, though comprising only 25 percent of the national population  Source: Bureau of Justice Statistics

It's too late for those wearing a toe tag to make a decision for Christ.  Source: Common Sense

Shortly after creating the toe tags, I ran into a good friend of mine in involved in the GRIP outreach program in Chicago.
The toe tag message was too true for the GRIP staff. The brother of a teen who visited their program was murdered by his own gang members. I am sure you have similar stories and know the truth of the toe tag message.
If you’re involved in urban ministry, you’ll end up at more funerals than weddings or high school graduations.  It’s the sad reality facing so many of our youth.
That’s why it’s critical that we do whatever it takes to reach urban youth with the message of Christ.  If not,  it’s not another boy from the hood that’s wearing the toe tag, but our faith.

But wilt thou know, O vain man, that faith without works is dead?  James 2:20

What are things you can do bring life to dead faith?

Download a free excerpt of hood,

Children of Immigrants

When kids are legal but their parents are not
A few weeks an ago, a story that’s been headlining Chicago papers made national news. Elvira Arellano, an illegal immigrant, had been staying inside a Chicago church since 2006, with her 8-year-old son Saul, an American citizen. I can’t imagine being locked up in a church that long.  It would make the sermons of a long-winded pastor seem like a nano-second.
But last month, she got arrested and deported back to Mexico.
No matter what side of the border you stand on the issue of illegal immigrants, the children are caught in the middle.

Take for instance, a youth worker I met over the summer at the Urban Youth Worker's Institute. He reaches out to the illegal population of  his community, helping with tutoring and Bible lessons. One of the girls in his program got raped by a man in her neighborhood. It was traumatic.  Since her parents were in this country illegally, they didn’t want her to go to the police to report the crime. So every day when she walks to school, this young girl passes by her attacker. (Yes, there is more to  youth ministry than  water balloon fights and marshmallow eating contests.)

Messy problems continue for these youth, from the education to the health system. While it does not have all of the answers,  the blog at the foreign policy association offers insights on various issues facing these kids. If any of these kids are victims of rape or abuse, visit RAIIN--the raped abuse, incest national network.

What problems have you faced in your outreach program dealing with children whose parents are not legal citizens?  If you have any tips to share, please post them below.

Get Your Play On

How are you igniting the imagination of urban youth?
On a recent visit to a favorite uncle, I was treated to a trip down memory lane, otherwise known as a crawl-space attic. Underneath a layer of dust  were boxes holding my favorite childhood games –kinds that were powered by one’s imagination instead of Intel chips, and played by 2-4 people --not merely their thumbs. They contained popomatics, a bit of assembly required, and small pieces that smacked if you stepped on them.
Like everything else, play has changed. In the day of game boys and cell phones,  the average city kid has probably never turned an abandoned refrigerator box into a space ship. He or she has never made telephones out of orange juice cans and string. While high tech games have engaged a new part of our noggin, flat screen play has grounded the imagination power of today’s kids.

Creativity and the courage to use it—can be fuel that propels a youth out of a negative environment. Here are a few tips to ignite that creative fire.
Think differently
Teach kids to think outside of the box, peer group, whatever. In imaginative play and exercises, encourage kids to step outside of the norm regardless of what others may think. For instance, if Shawna is encouraged to write and recite a poem in your youth program, you are teaching her to think independently as well as think creatively. You are helping instill inside of her courage to express her voice, even if it’s not status quo. If her peers snicker on the outside, let her know that they envy her on the inside.
Question Everything
Encourage youth to ask questions. Who made God? What’s a diphthong? Why did my school pass me to the 8th grade if I still can’t read? Keeping their imagination active can help kids ask more questions at school, encourage literacy and get the education they deserve.http://www.artsandliteracy.org/
Dream Bigger
Most important, kids in high-risk neighborhoods need the imagination to dream. What do they want for their future? If they haven’t seen the positive roll model that they aspire to be, help them see it with their eyes closed. The Bible is full of guys who dared to dream, visualizing the unthinkable, from an animal ark (Noah) to a wall built in 52 days (Nehemiah).
Where to you begin?
Unlocking the imagination can be easily incorporated into any outreach program. Here are a few ideas:
The Question Box
Place a box in your youth center with a big question box on it. Ask kids what they think is in it. What do they wish was inside of it? If the box contained their biggest fear, would it  need to be bigger? 
Color their world
Crayons and coloring is an easy way to engage the imagination of kids of all ages.  You can draw random squiggles on blank pieces of paper. Have each youth create a drawing around that squiggle.
Creator for a Day
Challenge youth to take on the job of Adam and naming all of creation. Would they have named a skunk a funk?  A tiger a Striper? What other creatures would they have created? Would they have created rats, roaches and disease?
Try Something Old
Have youth come up with a game using odds and ends they find in your top desk drawer (paper clips, dice, movie stub, etc.). Or even make some phones out of orange juice cans with unlimited pulp-free minutes. Then share with them about life in the olden days before cell phones, cable and well before Al Gore invented the intenet.
Five Years from Now
Constantly challenge your youth to imagine their lives five years from now. Where do they want to be? How will they get there? What steps are they taking every day to insure that their dreams become a reality?
Add Your Imagination Power
Okay. You get the picture. Now share your ideas with others. What ideas and activities have you used in your youth program to spark the imagination of urban youth?

Porn Again vs. Born Again

Where’s the one place you’ll find porn lovers rubbing shoulders with born again Christians?
The great Porn Debate.  This controversial tour, features the world’s most famous porn star, Ron Jeremy and Porn Pastor Craig Gross, who is the founder of   xxxchurch.com
I had to go. First off it was being held in my neighborhood, right next to the Chicken Hut.
Secondly, it would be livelier than a Monday night prayer meeting.
There were all sorts of folks at the debate, from news reporters to fanatical Christians to females with the same moral fiber as those in a Girls Gone Wild video.
The Porn Debate was interesting even though I wasn’t sure what they were debating about. Ron Jeremy stated how porn of today is not the same stuff that was hidden at the bottom of his Dad’s closet. It’s not meant for kids but for consenting adults.  He went onto say that Hollywood porn isn’t the bad stuff—they have standards.  The weird stuff is from overseas.
Craig Gross handled a few tough questions including, “What has done more harm—porn or religion?” He had respect for Ron and genuinely cared for his opponent.
Ron Jeremy is a good actor when his clothes are on. He was wearing an I LOVE PETA T-shirt and enough aftershave to wake the dead in Des Moines.
Ron got the audience to believe everything he said, whether it was true or not. They cheered him on when he said “anal-to-mouth sex” isn't a health hazard. That porn isn't addicting. That porn enhances vs. hinders a healthy relationship. That carrot sticks and celery stalks taste as good as Haagan Daz.
Ron Jeremy got a doozy of a question as well.  “If you had a daughter, would you encourage her to get into the porn industry?”
For a brief second, Ron wasn’t an actor.
Both parties agreed on the freedom of speech, from porn to prayer.
Afterwards, I talked with both Ron the Porn Star and Craig the Porn Pastor. Craig gave me a copy of his documentary DVD, Missionary Positions.  It's about the birth of xxxchurch and the porn industry. There is a PG version of this documentary available and I highly recommend it to every youth leader out there. But before showing it to your youth group, you might want to give parents a heads up.
Ron Jeremy was selling T-shirts that you wouldn’t see at a Youth Specialties convention.
While this event wasn’t for teens, it definitely is well worth the time of a youth pastor. Kids struggle with porn, including the youth that I deal with in Chicago. For more information on porn and the Internet, including a boatload of sickening statistics, visit familysafemedia.com

Are Snacks Replacing Sex?

Move over abstinence curriculum. Big Macs could be the new form of birth control.
Last week, I got an email in my inbox from SafeYouth.org.  It’s a great newsletter supplying all kinds of info you really should know but really don’t want to, from child abuse  to kids living below the poverty level.  Anyway, this email contained findings from a childstats.gov  report that caught the eyes of pew warmers across the nation. Along with claiming teen pregnancy rates have dropped, the study stated teens are having less sex today than teens did five years back. Only 47% admitted to losing the battle with their hormones, compared to 54% in 1991.

Has the church’s abstinence campaign really been that successful? Or is it something else?

At first I rolled my eyes at the report, but I did find a bit of freakanomic truth in it. (freakanomics by the way, is a newfangled word for finding the hidden reason behind various statistics).
Based on the research I collected in the form of McDonald’s bags, Skittle wrappers and soda cans  on our youth center’s floor, I concluded that the declining sex rate could be linked to the increasing  size of waistlines.  Chubby teen girls are not chased by boys.  And now, there's more of them than ever. According to the Centers for Disease Control, the number of obese teens has more than doubled in the past 30 years. 

As politically incorrect as my theory might be, there is some truth to it.  If you’re in youth ministry, you never worried about the “large-bone” teen girl as much as the one with Pamela Anderson physique.  Granted, there are exceptions to this rule, but everyone from the brains at ivilliage.com  to those at Obesity Research  claim there is a link between sexual activity and body size. 
We shouldn't be happy that gluttony has possibly squashed sex as the cardinal sin among young people. Along with diabetes, heart disease and other health issues, obesity leads to a lot of other issues, including poor self-esteem. And poor self-esteem is the devils' favorite tool.
In the mean time, let’s be real. Church kids are still having sex, teen moms are still the norm in the inner-city, and HIV rates are increasing most rapidly among young African American females.  Let’s don’t let the truth get lost between the lines of the latest statistics.