The Spit Bucket

WALK OF SHAME

AMPED TV SPOT  MAKES LIGHT OF ONE NIGHT STANDS
So I’m responsible for some of the commercials that undoubtedly inspired Ti-Vo.
Commercials panned by Andy Rooney on 60 minutes. Promotions more confusing to figure out than a Rubik’s cube. Fake looking people giving "bite and smiles" after indulging in fake process cheese.
Yeah, that was me. Just part of the 17 minutes of sponsorship carved out of every hour of network TV.
But the spot I saw on M-TV last week was the ultimate  in bad taste.
It was for AMP, one of those energy drinks that cost more per gallon than gasoline.
The spot featured a thirty second jingle about one night stands. You read it right. It was a catchy song, almost as catchy as an STD you'd contract on a one night escapade . While I can’t remember the words, the message was this: No matter whose bed you crawl out of, how disgusting you feel, you don’t have to walk home in shame the next morning. Drink some AMP, and you’ll bolt out of their holding your head high.
It would be tasteless enough if this commercial were for an alcoholic beverage. But it wasn’t. It was for a caffeinated drink popular with teens. And it wasn’t selling energy as much as fueling a “bad boy” lifestyle. And it's just one of a series of tasteless commercials.

Knowing how many people are involved in the production of a TV spot, I’m curious why no one questioned the content of the creative Not one agency executive, brand manager, thought the commercial crossed the line of bad taste.  After all, it's about  the bottom line.
So I think it's time we get amped. 
You can peep the outrageousness here. Then give Indra K. Nooyi an  earful. She’s the CEO of Pepsico, AMP’s parent company, who will most likely avoid taking the blame for the walk of shame.
If you're in youth ministry and catch your teens drinking AMP, be sure to ask what they think of the advertising. It would make for a high voltage discussion.

Ghostwriting for Jesus

I just met heard through the Christian grapevine that one of my favorite mega pastor authors uses a ghostwriter. I know it’s true, because the person I corresponded with was his ghostwriter!
Ghostwriting isn’t banned from Christian publishing circles, it's actually quite common. While you may never attended a book signing by Cecil Murphy, you might have read several of his books.
Around the time of Y2K, when everyone was hoarding batteries and bottled water, thinking the end of the world was coming, there  was a lot of bad press about ghost writers in the Christian market.  Everyone from Billy Graham to Bill Hybels was accused of being anything but the authentic Christian they  write about.
But I’m not blogging to expose the ghostwriter,  I'm going to  commend him or her.
Ghostwriters in many respects are the brains behind the almighty Sunday Morning OZ, telling us to  “Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!” 
They let someone else get credit for their talents, keeping attention off themselves.
Being a ghostwriter of sorts– a transparent servant of God --is really what it’s all about.. In all of our efforts, the story of our lives should point to our Creator, not the man in the mirror.
This doesn’t just apply to those who write Amazon best sellers, but to our church communication efforts. Whether it’s a newsletter, sermon, special program or a fund raising letter we pen for someone else, the focus shouldn’t be on us or our cool church identity. That new logo you painstakingly designed should be  transparent, so the attention goes to God. When our efforts are reduced to wanting credit for a cool mailing or outreach event, we will never get the results we crave. Egos have insatiable appetites.  Only when we don’t care about who gets credit are big goals achieved.
So my advice for your next email blast shouting a cool outreach event? Learn a lesson from your favorite unknown authors.  If it connects the reader to God, you’ve done good. If all eyes are on your design skills  or the hairstyle of your new rock star seeker pastor, you’ve just been busted.

Church Identity Crisis

Has church marketing gone too far?
For all of you out there who think your church logo is the coolest thing since the Nike swoosh, I beg you to put down that Seth Godin book for a moment and read on.
While it’s cool that church websites have evolved from purple backgrounds with gold fonts, that our Sunday morning slide shows are worthy of academy award nominations, and our Sunday morning bulletins are almost too cool to doodle on, have we  gone  too far?
Are we taking more pride in our church identity than we are with belonging to Christ?
Sometimes I think so, usually after attending faith based conferences when I'm snubbed by  a member of  church recently mentioned in Outreach magazine.
It’s no longer enough to be a Christian. One has to be a PoMo Christian. A member of Mega Church or the First United Church of Starbucks. Or attend a church where the pastor sports a soul patch and trendy  frames (even though his vision is 20/20).  We are proud to be labeled a Christian as long as we’re not mistaken for someone who meets at church down the street with the marquee sign  teens vandalize.
While church marketing is important—it is a different animal than consumer marketing. I’ve learned a few advertising tricks over years, mostly on how to dial up the interest of parity products. Bland bran flakes need a cool identity to make up for lack of taste. But  God? I think not. We need His help, not the other way around.
The moral of this post? If our ministry marketing efforts boomerangs attention to the Photoshop wiz in our church’s communication department instead of the Big Guy in the Sky, we’ve missed our mark. It’s not about us, it’s about Him.

Candy or Criminal?

If you haven’t seen the Utube video about the new candy called BLOW, you got to check it out. It;s what  Scarface would give away to trick or treaters.
What will marketers think of next?
Yeah, it’s in bad taste, making  Bernie Botts booger flavored jelly beans seem delectable. Blow is  crystallized granules of caffeine that you cut with a f ake credit card then dump into your water, to give you a buzz that Starbucks can’t.
I’m curious who bankrolled this product. Did the brand managers conduct focus groups before the national roll out? And while the manufacturers of BLOW say it’s not targeted towards urban youth, that’s about as much baloney as MickyD’s saying the  Happy Meal advertising isn't for kids…the ads are intended for parents  with a pocketful of  cheddar..
Just imagine for a moment if BLOW wasn’t candy that looked like cocaine, but manna . Would it receive the press? I always thought Manna would be a cool breakfast cereal—light crispy flakes with a touch of honey—a sanctified part of a complete breakfast.
I dunno. But as hard as marketers try to reach kids, the God Squad needs to try harder. Not just with new fangled candy, but the stuff their really starving for. Don't confuse that with my suggestion of replacing communion wafers with marshmallow peeps, chased with an itty bitty cup of Red Bull. That would  peek the  shorties' insterest.  By the way, peepmobile photo was taken by Amy Sandova,  another writer whose inspiration comes from a tasteful combination of the holy spirit and skittles.
What other candy marketing tactics  do you consider in bad taste?

Marketing at its worse

Okay, there are a lot of good causes out there to support in prayer or with financial contributions. Starving children. Save the whales. Katrina victims.

But pad the women in Africa?

If you haven’t seen the commercial for Always, the new advertising campaign features a girl in some remote village in Africa who failing in school because she doesn’t have feminine protection.

I’m sorry, but I doubt if the marketing managers who dreamed up this promotion really care about this girl’s future. I have a suspicion those employees are more concerned about their bottom line than her pantyliner.

And let’s get real. Her village has greater needs than spring dots, wings and whatnot. Primarily, the assurance that the natural environment won’t be destroyed by landfills-- filled with paper products that hadn’t been needed for thousands of years.

The deal is this: if your church or outreach program is going to support a cause, make sure your efforts are truly about the individuals you are helping.

Struttin’ Your Stuff

Cutesy Christianity

A few years back, we forfeited getting new struts on our hooptie in order to get exhibitor space at a local sunday school conference in the Chicago area.  I usually like this local conference, being a two day shindig and in my own back yard.
But this time, TastyFaith’s booth was right next to someone selling a born again version of the American Girl Doll. This doll was high tech and had real eye lashes. She sang the books of the New Testament and could recite over 16 verses, which I heard no less than four hundred and thirty seven times over the course of two days thanks to two DD Duracells.
While people mobbed the doll booth, listening to the cutesy recording of her internal computer chip, TastyFaith materials were barely noticed. Bible Studies for teen moms weren’t as popular as a battery operated outreach tool. Nor were lessons dealing with issues commonly associated with Jerry Springer.
I hated that doll. I hated her voice. I hated her eyelashes. I hated that children in China probably assembled her under unthinkable conditions.

Sometimes, it’s not always the lesson we prepared that reaches people with the love of Christ. It could be a doll assembled in China. It could the car rides home week after week that lead to broken struts.

That’s’ why TastyFaith is expanding our services. We’re offering more ways to reach the world with the life changing message of JC. Give us a holler, we’ll help create a solution that’s right for you. 
It might be a fundraiser. It might be an outrageous outreach event. It might be something you get in the mail. But it won’t have real eyelashes.

You heard mine. Now let’s hear from you.

What cutesy Christianity products, events or practices make you want to pull a Peter and deny knowing  Christ?

You might also want to check out churchmarketingsucks.com

Junkfood Survey Results

I want to thank everyone who attended the Crave Factor workshop at the ministrycom.org conference in Nashville.
According to survey junk food survey results, the majority of you like to pig out on Mexican food.  Chocolate, Blue Bunny Fudge Ripple ice cream, and Nashville's Hog Heaven BBQ  were also big favorites.  Macs ruled over PCs and most of you would rather get a root canal than wear pantyhose.
I learned a lot in my workshop, thanks to you guys, and not just what your taste buds crave.  The question period is my favorite part.
One attendee asked about the value of focus groups, with the goal of learning about members of their community. The best way to learn about your neighbors is not to invest in expensive research, but to invest time your community. Get out of the pews and bring your church to the people. Shovel driveways in the wintertime. Plan a dinner event at a new “empty” restaurant in town to encourage the owner.  Visit laundry mats and chat with washed up people during the spin cycle. Build a playground in a lower economic area of your community. You get the picture.
Love in action can change attitudes and perceptions about your church in ways a billboard cannot.
And those of you interested in the junk food quiz? It can  can be found in the SLAM! Teen handbook series Da Yum Yums and Da Dum Dums.
If you have more ideas on how to create a craving for Christ in your congregation or community, please post ‘em below.  You are incredible vessels of God given creativity.
Again, it was a major blessing to meet you all.
You rock.

Ginger

Restless Side Effects

Why is it that the side effects new drugs offer seem to be worse than the thing that they cure?
Take for instance, Epuip®, the drug to cure the dreaded Restless Leg Syndrome aka RLS, or what my husband refers to as “jimmy legs”. Whatever you call this problem, it’s when your legs want to twitch when the rest of you wants to sleep. I have a good friend who has it, and I suspect my in-laws’ dog has it as well. But thanks to Epuip®, night twitchers have a e cure.
Like every drug, Equip has a few side effects including the trilogy of nausea, drowsiness and dizziness.  If those three weren’t bad enough, Equip now has a few new ones, including an uncontrollable urges to gamble and have sex.
Gee, don’t take this drug in Vegas!
Though I shamelessly write advertising, phrases found in pharmaceutical commercials have never crossed my keyboard. I am not responsible for promotional prose such as “anal leakage” or “erections lasting more than four hours”.  But side effect language is showing up everywhere,  including ads for heart  worm medication for dogs.  These side effects don’t include "uncontrollable episodes of licking, a serious but rare condition", just vomiting, diarrhea, and convulsions.
But funny how one category of drug has missed the side effect bullet. It’s a drug that kills and destroys lives like no others. That drug of course is alcohol.
While the phrase “drink responsibly “appears as mouse type on billboards or subtly in ads, it’s doesn’t have the impact of “do no operate farm equipment” or “think twice before wearing white shorts while taking this product”. Young minds think the only side effect that comes with alcoholic beverages is increased sex appeal and a keener sense of humor. Check out how much advertising kids see when they’re not hanging in your youth center at Center on Alcohol Marketing and Youth.
Now. If you were ad writer for a day, and an assignment for an amber ale product crossed your desk, what side effects would you want mentioned?

The Crave Factor

Over the past twenty years, I’ve seen one few things that has rivaled the grotesqueness of a spit bucket. The chief one being the annual Hot Dog Eating Contest sponsored by Nathan’s Famous of Coney Island. Since competitive eating is now a professional sporting event, this contest was on the airwaves earlier this month, making viewers temporarily forgetting about world hunger.  The winner was able to consume 60 hotdogs in 12 minutes.
Now being involved in youth ministry, I’ve seen teens pound away large quantities of food. There was Jaime, who was able to down a 9-piece McNugget box, large fries and Quarter Pounder with no problem. Alex was able to eat a bag of Jet Puffed Marshmallows at one sitting without getting sick. Then there was Matt, a kid able to fit fourteen pieces of gum in his mouth at one time. But none of them compared with these pros.
Considering that this international competition had paid sponsors, you’d think that appetite appeal would be critical. Every bite taken should make the viewer hungry for the product. But Emily Post was not on the panel of judges.  So instead of wetting my appetite for grounded up animal parts and filler, these contestants resembled backed up garbage disposals, trying to keep the contents they shoved down their throats from coming back up.  Check out one contestant's reversal of fortune
Or, if you know a kid who has what it takes to have a career as a professional eater, check out the International Federation of Competitive Eating.  Why sweat college calculus when gorging 98 pickled pig's feet can gain you fame?
I wonder if the sponsors feel as if they got their money’s worth. While I’ve heard of this competition for years, it has never made me seek out a package of Nathan Hot Dogs for my summer BBQ.  The only thing that Nathan’s Hot Dog Championship made me crave was Pepto Bismol.
Advertisers are the champions of creating cravings for everything from Bertie Bott's Rotten Egg flavored jellybeans to drinks extracted from soybeans.
Now if you’re wondering how to create a craving for your program or ministry, check out Ministrycom.org’s conference in September. I’ll be giving a workshop called the CRAVE FACTOR.  In this workshop, you’ll discover ways to dial up the appeal of your program to your audience and or funders. Zero Calories. Zero TransFats.