The Spit Bucket

Church Identity Crisis

Has church marketing gone too far?
For all of you out there who think your church logo is the coolest thing since the Nike swoosh, I beg you to put down that Seth Godin book for a moment and read on.
While it’s cool that church websites have evolved from purple backgrounds with gold fonts, that our Sunday morning slide shows are worthy of academy award nominations, and our Sunday morning bulletins are almost too cool to doodle on, have we  gone  too far?
Are we taking more pride in our church identity than we are with belonging to Christ?
Sometimes I think so, usually after attending faith based conferences when I'm snubbed by  a member of  church recently mentioned in Outreach magazine.
It’s no longer enough to be a Christian. One has to be a PoMo Christian. A member of Mega Church or the First United Church of Starbucks. Or attend a church where the pastor sports a soul patch and trendy  frames (even though his vision is 20/20).  We are proud to be labeled a Christian as long as we’re not mistaken for someone who meets at church down the street with the marquee sign  teens vandalize.
While church marketing is important—it is a different animal than consumer marketing. I’ve learned a few advertising tricks over years, mostly on how to dial up the interest of parity products. Bland bran flakes need a cool identity to make up for lack of taste. But  God? I think not. We need His help, not the other way around.
The moral of this post? If our ministry marketing efforts boomerangs attention to the Photoshop wiz in our church’s communication department instead of the Big Guy in the Sky, we’ve missed our mark. It’s not about us, it’s about Him.

Eye Heart NOLA

Rebuilding New Orleans, Still.
Is that powdered sugar  from a biegnet on your chin or drywall dust?  My husband and I decided to do a Matt Deed (in honor of his recently deceased brother). A Matt Deed is an act of kindness that stretches you in ways that yoga poses cannot. But that’s how we ended up going to New Orleans and working on Katrina rebuilding projects.
We joined work crews from Urban Impact at Castlerock Church in Center City.
Anyway, when we told many of our Windy City friends about our plans,  many had the same response, “They haven’t cleaned that city up yet?”
Ya see, in Chicago, we’re too busy complaining about potholes and the Cubs to think about anyone else.
So for a week, we joined crews with Castlerock Church and Urban Impact.
While the biegnets in the French Quarter were as tasty as ever, some parts of New Orleans looked like time has sat still since the fall of 2005. These aren’t the pictures you peep at a tourism website. The spray painted “search circles” were still on the front of homes in the 7th Ward, along with rusty water lines from where the flood waters settled. While rehab efforts were happening, they would be as sporadic as a four leaf clover amongst the weeds: one freshly painted rehabbed house would be nestled between an abandoned home and a recently bull-dozed apartment complex. So many neighborhoods were struggling for identities—should we be rebuilding or re-locating?
Our week-long project was  rebuilding a small church, The Rock Of Ages, in the 7th Ward. For the most part, it was a “feel-good, warm-and-fuzzy” experience, the stuff that makes up McDonald’s commercials and political speeches. We met FEMA trailer survivors, people who were rescued from their attics, families who lost everything but their hope. One man said to us, “It’s easier for the poor to survive than the rich. We already know how to make it on nothin’. The rich do not.”
But working on Katrina Rebuilding also brought up questions that you’re afraid to have. Ones about social injustice, government flub ups, and just how many germs lurk in a port-potty?
But my biggest question dealt with noticing an able body man who sat across the church every day, just watching us and nursing his forty ounce.
I wanted to scream out, “Hey—why aren’t you helping?  This is YOUR neighborhood—and only MY vacation! Shouldn’t I be the one sipping an umbrella drink watching YOU?”
That’s when it hit me that while we can rehab a neighborhood, only God can rehab the heart, my heart included.
All in all, it was an eye-opening experience. But now I’m back in Chicago, where the extent of my problems consist of rush hour delays and over starched shirts from the cleaners. But I refuse to let New Orleans leave our minds and hearts.
If you have the chance to help with the Katrina Rebuilding project, by all means do it. Send a team or send a few bucks.  Peep our project director’s blog here. Or put a word in to the Big Guy for those helping out.

Aborted Workshop

Christian Youth Conference Says No to Teen Mom  Topic
A few weeks back, I submitted a proposal to do a workshop on What Juno Didn’t Tell You  at a national youth convention. This workshop would deal with teen pregnancy within the church. Considering close to one out of every three young ladies will get pregnant before the age of twenty, I thought I’d be packing my bags  for the Nashville  this fall.
Not.
It got bumped and I can only guess what to… 101 Uses for Marshmallows in Youth Ministry. Is Your Ministry as Cool as your Face Book Page? How to speak Starbucks.   
So I’m venting.
But I’m beyond bummed. I’m frustrated.
So many times, the church forgets the purpose of the church. Are we bypassing real needs to be trendy? Do we use finances to start a teen mom program or to buy an XBox for the fellas? Do we forfeit new air conditioning for the sanctuary to fund a daycare for single moms? Do we tell young girls to choose life… but choose not know  know what to do once she does have a child?
I don’ t know the answer to these questions, but I’m sure if men got pregnant, things would be different. 
Meanwhile, if you want to host a workshop on this topic for your own church or community, let me know. It's all ready to go.

Candy or Criminal?

If you haven’t seen the Utube video about the new candy called BLOW, you got to check it out. It;s what  Scarface would give away to trick or treaters.
What will marketers think of next?
Yeah, it’s in bad taste, making  Bernie Botts booger flavored jelly beans seem delectable. Blow is  crystallized granules of caffeine that you cut with a f ake credit card then dump into your water, to give you a buzz that Starbucks can’t.
I’m curious who bankrolled this product. Did the brand managers conduct focus groups before the national roll out? And while the manufacturers of BLOW say it’s not targeted towards urban youth, that’s about as much baloney as MickyD’s saying the  Happy Meal advertising isn't for kids…the ads are intended for parents  with a pocketful of  cheddar..
Just imagine for a moment if BLOW wasn’t candy that looked like cocaine, but manna . Would it receive the press? I always thought Manna would be a cool breakfast cereal—light crispy flakes with a touch of honey—a sanctified part of a complete breakfast.
I dunno. But as hard as marketers try to reach kids, the God Squad needs to try harder. Not just with new fangled candy, but the stuff their really starving for. Don't confuse that with my suggestion of replacing communion wafers with marshmallow peeps, chased with an itty bitty cup of Red Bull. That would  peek the  shorties' insterest.  By the way, peepmobile photo was taken by Amy Sandova,  another writer whose inspiration comes from a tasteful combination of the holy spirit and skittles.
What other candy marketing tactics  do you consider in bad taste?

Marketing at its worse

Okay, there are a lot of good causes out there to support in prayer or with financial contributions. Starving children. Save the whales. Katrina victims.

But pad the women in Africa?

If you haven’t seen the commercial for Always, the new advertising campaign features a girl in some remote village in Africa who failing in school because she doesn’t have feminine protection.

I’m sorry, but I doubt if the marketing managers who dreamed up this promotion really care about this girl’s future. I have a suspicion those employees are more concerned about their bottom line than her pantyliner.

And let’s get real. Her village has greater needs than spring dots, wings and whatnot. Primarily, the assurance that the natural environment won’t be destroyed by landfills-- filled with paper products that hadn’t been needed for thousands of years.

The deal is this: if your church or outreach program is going to support a cause, make sure your efforts are truly about the individuals you are helping.

Ghet your study on!

Another boy from the hood was spotted in new turf—Group Magazine!  The arm pit issue. I about peed my pants when I saw that Group mentioned this resource in their quick picks. I hope it will get into the hands of those doing domestic mission trips. The Jerry Springer flavored

questions are sure to spark real dialog from kids who usually respond with shoulder shrugs.
I also hope for less snow, honest politicians, calorie free cheesecake, non-clumpy mascara and my life-long fantasy, to open a new monopoly game and find real money instead of the fake colored paper stuff!

What Juno Didn't Tell You

After 22 years of urban youth ministry, I've experienced over 168 months of pregnancy. That’s 21 pregnancies resulting in:
•    18 births
•    2 miscarriages
•    1 abortion
So if the stork delivers a surprise to your church door,   get a few tips on what to do and not. YouthMinistryExhange

Superbowl Sermons

Can you remember any of the commercials you spotted during the Superbowl?
OK—can you remember the sermon you heard at church the same Sunday morning?  Uh oh...You're not alone.
I vaguely remember my pastor talking a bit about transformation Sunday and how Peter thought he could fill God's shoes better than God did (sorta like how W.C. Fields lost a W.C. Fields look alike contest).

If you can remember what your pastor shared ---without the help of a burping baby, Clydesdales, or a  gazillion dollars of cool visual effects, post on!

Struttin’ Your Stuff

Cutesy Christianity

A few years back, we forfeited getting new struts on our hooptie in order to get exhibitor space at a local sunday school conference in the Chicago area.  I usually like this local conference, being a two day shindig and in my own back yard.
But this time, TastyFaith’s booth was right next to someone selling a born again version of the American Girl Doll. This doll was high tech and had real eye lashes. She sang the books of the New Testament and could recite over 16 verses, which I heard no less than four hundred and thirty seven times over the course of two days thanks to two DD Duracells.
While people mobbed the doll booth, listening to the cutesy recording of her internal computer chip, TastyFaith materials were barely noticed. Bible Studies for teen moms weren’t as popular as a battery operated outreach tool. Nor were lessons dealing with issues commonly associated with Jerry Springer.
I hated that doll. I hated her voice. I hated her eyelashes. I hated that children in China probably assembled her under unthinkable conditions.

Sometimes, it’s not always the lesson we prepared that reaches people with the love of Christ. It could be a doll assembled in China. It could the car rides home week after week that lead to broken struts.

That’s’ why TastyFaith is expanding our services. We’re offering more ways to reach the world with the life changing message of JC. Give us a holler, we’ll help create a solution that’s right for you. 
It might be a fundraiser. It might be an outrageous outreach event. It might be something you get in the mail. But it won’t have real eyelashes.

You heard mine. Now let’s hear from you.

What cutesy Christianity products, events or practices make you want to pull a Peter and deny knowing  Christ?

You might also want to check out churchmarketingsucks.com

Fearfully Wonderfully Dysfunctional

Messed Up Families in the Bible

I once read a T-shirt that read, “the only normal people are those you don’t know”. And it’s true. Family Trees are usually of the nutty variety, mine being no exception.  We've survived alcoholism, depression, drug abuse,  compulsive behaviors, enablers, and one husband who can never remember where he put his car keys.
But what are we supposed to expect?  Families have been dysfunctional since the get-go. The only set of parents God hand created—Adam and Eve—ended up having one son that killed the other. And from then on, it was mayhem. Brothers selling their youngest brother into slavery (Joseph), a drunken father sleeping with his daughter (Noah), a fanatically faithful father willing to kill his son for God (Abraham), and the list goes on. By golly, I can’t think of one family in the Bible that didn’t suffer from dysfunction. Can you?
I don’t know what’s weirder—the stories in the Bible about messed up families or the ones I hear from friends in city. Like  a divorced lesbian mother recovering alcoholic who started drinking at the age of 10 when forced to bury dead kitties drowned by a sexually abusive neighbor. A former co-worker with a fear of ketchup and other condiments.  An elderly aunt who keeps her garbage in the refrigerator.  And the one that takes the cake--believers who think  their families are supposed to be perfect and are ashamed when they are not.  Face it--we are all an episode away from starring on Jerry Springer.
Take the dysfunctional challenge
I challenge you Bible thumpers out there—if you can find one story in the Bible about a non-dysfunctional family—whether it be the Cleavers of Canaan or the Simpsons of Samaria, please blog it below. And while the Bible contains a lot of good stories about dysfunction, another book is Running With Scissors. 
In the meantime, embrace your genetic weirdness.  It'll make you closer to God in the long run.

Fearfully Wonderfully Dysfunctional

Messed Up Families in the Bible

I once read a T-shirt that read, “the only normal people are those you don’t know”. And it’s true. Family Trees are usually of the nutty variety, mine being no exception.  We've survived alcoholism, depression, drug abuse,  compulsive behaviors, enablers, and one husband who can never remember where he put his car keys.
But what are we supposed to expect?  Families have been dysfunctional since the get-go. The only set of parents God hand created—Adam and Eve—ended up having one son that killed the other. And from then on, it was mayhem. Brothers selling their youngest brother into slavery (Joseph), a drunken father sleeping with his daughter (Noah), a fanatically faithful father willing to kill his son for God (Abraham), and the list goes on. By golly, I can’t think of one family in the Bible that didn’t suffer from dysfunction. Can you?
I don’t know what’s weirder—the stories in the Bible about messed up families or the ones I hear from friends in city. Like  a divorced lesbian mother recovering alcoholic who started drinking at the age of 10 when forced to bury dead kitties drowned by a sexually abusive neighbor. A former co-worker with a fear of ketchup and other condiments.  An elderly aunt who keeps her garbage in the refrigerator.  And the one that takes the cake--believers who think  their families are supposed to be perfect and are ashamed when they are not.  Face it--we are all an episode away from starring on Jerry Springer.
Take the dysfunctional challenge
I challenge you Bible thumpers out there—if you can find one story in the Bible about a non-dysfunctional family—whether it be the Cleavers of Canaan or the Simpsons of Samaria, please blog it below. And while the Bible contains a lot of good stories about dysfunction, another book is Running With Scissors. 
In the meantime, embrace your genetic weirdness.  It'll make you closer to God in the long run.

Tis the Season for Teen Moms

I admit. I don’t have much of a social life. My big event is on Saturdays, my 5 am laundry club. (OK, so I’m a Type A). The group consists of Elaine, the World’s biggest Cub Fan, and Ray, a sixty-year-old gay who is the best sheet folder on the planet. While we usually talk about news affecting our building, the conversations  will ultimately end on “So what are you doing this weekend?” Elaine is either going to a game or to Michigan. Ray always goes to cool restaurants, museums and the latest movies. I nosh on free samples at Costco. But Ray’s the one who tipped me off to Juno. If you haven’t heard the buzz by now in your laundry mat, Juno is comedy about a 16 year old girl who gets pregnant.
At first the notion of the movie turned me off. How could Hollywood laugh at the epidemic
I devote so much of my life to?
That’s why cashed in the crispy $5 found in my April fresh jeans to see the movie.
90 minutes worth of pregnancy
While Hollywood’s 90 minute version of teen pregnancy is amusing over a tub of popcorn, the life-long version featuring Tamika, Erica, Joy, Melissa, Marie, isn’t much of a knee slapper. The movie covers a multitude of tuff topics: the reaction of Juno’s father, the reaction of her boyfriend; abortion, adoption; and finally the question, just what characteristics make up a good mom?
I do recommend seeing Juno and drag your pastor with you. While the language isn’t the best, but you’ve probably heard worse hauling kids home in your church van. There are no bumping and grinding scenes.  Juno doesn’t promote teen sex; it deals with the reality of it. That’s something the church needs to do.
As Christians, we can’t make the ruling teens make lousy parents.
Okay, maybe Brittney's kid sister isn't a role model, but I know of a teen mom named Mary with a little guy named Jesus.  She did a pretty good job. And we have to take the lead on this issue. If we tell young girls to choose life, we better be there to help them once they do.  More on teen moms in the news.